The Happiness Hypothesis It is a personal psychology book that has received strong support for 10 consecutive years since 2006. It focuses on the theme of happiness, a hot topic in every era. As for the question of how to achieve happiness, there is still no single clear answer to this day. But the author will provide you with this answer. This question has been asked since ancient times. So, what do people in modern times think?
This is what we will discuss, and we will study three important points:
Why are we not happy?
What strategies can help us achieve happiness?
How can we find our innate talents and abilities?
Let's start with the first point: Why are we not happy? In a story by the ancient Roman author Ovid, a female character struggles to find a way out, torn between choosing her love and her sentimental duties to her father. She says, "I am pulled in two directions by a strange force: desire and conscience. I know which path is right, but in the end, I still choose the wrong path."
The experience of the female character in this story is something everyone has encountered, just in different contexts. Sometimes, it feels like a force is pulling us to do something. For example, the choice between studying and playing games. These two things make it difficult for us to choose. Even though we know that playing games wastes time that we should be using to study for an upcoming exam, we are very clear in our minds which is the right thing to do. Our brain also directs us to choose the right path. But we still stubbornly reach for our phones to open a game app or scroll through Facebook, wasting our time.
Why do these strange things happen? In the language of psychology, how do they explain this? We used to think that we could control ourselves. Our actions depend on the decisions made by our brains. But this book awakens our understanding that we probably cannot control all of our actions. Within us, there is no single part that is the ultimate decision-maker for our actions. It is not the brain, nor is it the heart. So what is it?
On the contrary, the human mind is divided into two separate parts, each making its own decisions. And sometimes, the decisions made by each part are in complete opposition to each other. Among these parts, some are unique systems of consciousness, including emotions, internal reaction systems, and foresight, which are complex systems that we cannot fully explain.
The author compares one system to an elephant and another part to the person riding the elephant. The person riding the elephant can make rational considerations, but they still cannot control all of the elephant's actions, just as a rider cannot control every movement of the elephant.
As in the story of Ovid mentioned earlier, the female character says in her mind, "The rider on top of the elephant has clearly told me which path is right, but the elephant in my heart pulls me to choose the wrong path." Therefore, if we compare this to our actions, they are mostly inclined towards the elephant's desires. This means that most decisions are based on complex emotions rather than logical, reasoned analysis.
Of course, this does not mean that the rider on the elephant is completely useless. It just means that the rider is not the one who dictates the elephant's direction but rather acts as a consultant. When the elephant and the rider have the same destination, or when the elephant has no particular desire or craving, the rider's guidance is effective. But when the elephant already has a destination and is inclined towards a certain direction, the rider finds it difficult to control its actions. There are many examples of this. You decide to lose weight and are determined to exercise and diet. But before you know it, you decide not to exercise because of a little rain, and instead, you sit and watch TV while eating fried chicken.
Why is it that when you attend a seminar, you feel so energized and come out determined to work hard to improve your life, but a few months later, you find yourself in the same place, not having started anything, and everything has fallen apart? If you rely solely on willpower, the rider on the elephant cannot control the elephant's actions. When we understand this special characteristic, we will certainly have some clues to answer the question we asked at the beginning: why are we not happy? This is also because the elephant in our hearts is not very happy to begin with.
It sounds sad, but the elephant in our hearts often expresses negative emotions. For example, if you find $100, you will be happy. But if you lose that same $100 that you found, you will definitely feel unhappy, even though the money was not yours to begin with. You will feel dissatisfied and not at all happy.
The elephant in our hearts is often unhappy. If something unpleasant happens, it will be remembered for a long time, but if something good happens, it is quickly forgotten. Just as the philosopher Benjamin Franklin, whom you often see on the $100 bill, said, "When we are sick, we realize how important it is to take care of our health, trying to take medicine and rest. But when we are healthy, we never value our health." It sounds like the elephant in our hearts is a very difficult animal to please. But this is the true nature of human beings; no one is better or worse than anyone else. But if we talk about human nature, this makes perfect sense.
For example, if you were to design the psychology of a fish, how would you design it? You can determine its reactions to food and danger. When a fish finds food, it is happy, but it does not need to be overly happy. Because if it does not get to eat this time, there will be food next time. It knows that it will not die in the ocean. But when it encounters danger, it must react quickly and flee. If it only thinks about its food, it might lose its life. Therefore, if you are the one who creates the brain system of a fish, you must make it react quickly to danger, more so than when it finds food, so that this species of fish can survive for a long time on this earth.
Of course, this is just an example. In this world, no one can design the brain system and DNA of another being. But it is the result of nature. What is left in this world is the result of many millions of years of natural disasters and evolution. And we recognize that those who are very fit and have quick reactions are the ones who have survived until today.
But what is bad, we also have to accept. The elephant in the human heart always creates unpleasant things, such as worry, fear, and disappointment, which are all weaknesses that everyone has. But I want to draw your attention back. Does this mean that our lives must always be lived under the influence of the elephant in our hearts? The answer is not necessarily. As a line in the play Hamlet by William Shakespeare says, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." When you realize that something makes you unhappy, it is not because of that thing itself, but because of the elephant in your heart.
But in the human brain, besides the elephant, there is another part that is compared to the person riding the elephant. Even though his role is only that of a consultant, if he has the technique to lead the elephant's path, then we may have hope of reaching happiness in life. So what should the rider on the elephant do? This is the second point that we will discuss about the methods for finding true happiness.
If you are an employee in an institution who receives a salary of only $10,000 a month, and good fortune falls from the sky and you win a lottery prize of one million dollars, you start by buying a new house, a luxury car, and you quit the job you don't like. The quality of your life has increased many times compared to before. A few months later, let me ask you, how much happier are you than before? Ten times? Or a hundred times? In fact, your level of happiness is not much different from your life before. You might deny this reason, but it is true. When you experience it, you will know.
But the example above is just for fun; no one is that lucky. There is a Hollywood movie where the main character spends almost his entire life trying to make money, but when he becomes rich, he says, "I am so poor that I have nothing left but money." This is not a joke. If you think about it carefully, you will understand its meaning. It sounds boastful, but behind this sentence, it reveals a reason: the happiness provided by external things is not guaranteed to make you happy. Money and power cannot buy happiness.
This point is also expressed in Christianity and Buddhism. There is a story about a great king who wanted to make himself happy. Even when he died, he wanted to be happy. He gathered a lot of gold, diamonds, and precious things and placed them beside his royal body. He built a huge, magnificent palace and a vast, sprawling garden with dancers to entertain him at all times. Whatever the king wanted in this world, he could have it all. The question is, was the king happy? The king said, "I never thought that after going through all these things, I still don't understand happiness." This means that these things could not bring happiness to the king. So what about us, ordinary people?
Why is it like this? We work hard every day for wealth and prosperity, so that we can be happy and fulfilled. Or when you have all these things, you tell me that you are still not happy? This is related to the cooperation between the elephant in the heart and the rider on the elephant. The elephant in the heart has a principle. Our happiness, which we call the principle of adaptation, is a comparison of some of the things we experience now with the things we have become accustomed to in the past. We compare current events to the conditions we are already used to, to see if they are better or worse, but we do not compare them to our happiness in the past.
When you are excited about a thing or an object, you will be happy. But not long after, you will lose that feeling and look for every means to get that good feeling back. I will give you an example that is easier to understand. When you receive an iPhone 5 that has just been released as a birthday gift from your father, you are very happy. You feel a great sense of excitement. Not long after, that feeling of excitement will start to fade. You try every means to find money to buy a newer phone, the iPhone 6. And when you get this new phone, it will give you that same feeling of excitement again.
Not long after, when you get used to it, your excitement and happiness will disappear. You want something even better to replace the good feeling you once had. At this point, you need to understand that what you really want is not the iPhone, but the feeling of excitement you get when you have it. If you continue to seek happiness from external things, you will fall into the ocean of suffering in the cycle of samsara.
Earlier, we also mentioned that gold, silver, and precious stones, positions and ranks, which are external things, are all subject to the influence of the principle of adaptation. This means that receiving these external things will only give you happiness for a short period of time; it cannot give you long-term happiness. But there are two things that are external but can give us long-term happiness: good relationships with the people around you and doing things you love.
Good relationships with the people around you can indeed bring long-term mental happiness. And people who are truly happy often have good relationships with the people around them. You may get used to the house you live in every day, but you can never get used to a spouse with whom you argue every day. If you have a roommate you don't like, this lack of harmony will make you feel constantly annoyed, even if you don't see the other person. But you still feel unhappy.
For example, there are two people: Pu Sok and Ming Tong. Pu Sok is 35 years old, single, handsome, charming, and earns $5,000 a month. He is smart, and in his free time, he likes to exercise and read books. As for Ming Tong and her husband, they are 65 years old, with an income of only $300 a month, and a difficult life. But in their free time, they like to chat with friends and participate in various activities.
I think if you were to bet on who is happier, even I would choose Pu Sok. Because in terms of quality of life and income, Pu Sok is certainly very happy. But if you understand the reasons we have discussed above, you will know that what Pu Sok has is all external things: money and social status. These things become familiar when you are in that situation.
As for Ming Tong, firstly, she has her family. Secondly, she has good relationships with people in society. She receives love and respect from those around her, which makes her life happy. In this book, the author also tells us about techniques for building good relationships in society that can bring us happiness. That is, to let someone show their happiness to someone else.
The author had his students call their parents and express their love for them. After this experiment, they were very happy. They felt a great sense of happiness from having the opportunity to show their love to their parents. Another thing that can make us happy is doing things we love.
When the elephant receives happiness, besides following the principle of adaptation, it also follows another principle that we call the principle of progress. The principle of progress means that when we are doing work that we love, you will be happier than when you achieve the goal you set. Every time the elephant does something right, the person will feel happy because the brain releases the chemical dopamine, which is a chemical that provides a feeling of pleasure. But this feeling of pleasure only occurs when we do something right for a few seconds at the beginning. This feeling of pleasure cannot last for a long time. Therefore, when we continue to do things that we love from one day to the next, you will feel happy all the time, even if it is not for long, it will continue to happen again and again.
On the contrary, when you achieve the goal you set, you have reached the end. You will feel that you have walked a long and winding road, and finally, it is over. It is like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders; you do not feel a sense of accomplishment. You are happy while you are doing it, but when you succeed, you are not so happy anymore. Then you will ask yourself, "I have fought so hard, why is the final result not what I expected? Why do I feel so poor, with only money left?"
At this point, William Shakespeare had already said this since the beginning of the 16th century. He said that when you succeed, everything is over. It is only when you are striving on the path to success that you are happy. Therefore, if we want to be happy, let's not work for money or a position, which are external things. Instead, we should do work that we truly love because it creates the happiness that we have within ourselves, which will make you feel that you have a certain motivation that drives you to do it. And you will feel happy while you are doing that work.
In a book titled "Drive," which talks about the surprising truth about what motivates us in our work, and which I will summarize for you later, this book states that we used to think that monkeys only act for food. But according to research, it turns out that monkeys also make decisions about their actions. It is not just because they see delicious food. It is because they are curious. So they decide to try to do something. For example, a monkey might go and investigate a light switch and learn how to use it, even though the light switch is not its food and there is no one motivating it to do so. It acts on its own because of curiosity.
Humans are the same. We are all a species with the highest level of understanding, living on this earth. We have innate talents and the ability to do many wonderful things. We must try to do many things to find what we truly enjoy doing. And put our heart and soul into doing it to the best of our ability. The fact that we move closer to our goal, little by little, makes us happy. Because at that time, we easily enter a state that we call being "in the flow" with our work. There is another book that talks about being "in the flow," and this book is titled "Flow."
When we are "in the flow" with any work, we forget to eat, drink, and forget about time. We will try to do it to get the best result. We will feel that we have achieved success and have the greatest sense of pride when we have done it successfully. This is the answer that the author gives us. To achieve happiness and well-being in life, do not try to chase after external things. But good relationships with others and putting your heart into doing things you love are also ways that can help us achieve long-term happiness and well-being.
Speaking of happiness, we have reached a point where there is nothing more to say. But the author has given us one more point. Besides making ourselves happy, what should we do to be even happier? This is the third point that we will discuss. True happiness makes our lives full of meaning. But happiness also has different levels.
One kind of happiness is in the human heart, which is a pure heart, a benevolent heart. It is a force that makes people happy. When they see good deeds in movies or in society, when we see good people doing good deeds for someone, or see someone doing good for others, we will feel happy as well. For example, when we see a soldier sacrifice his life to save a child from war. When we see a man jump into the water to save a dog that is drowning, these are all scenes and sights that we watch and feel happy.
And the highest form of happiness comes from nature. What should we do to achieve that highest form of happiness? If you have ever been to the North Pole, you will be familiar with the Aurora, which is a special light in the North Pole that is very beautiful. In this world, there are many wonderful and interesting natural places that you should explore and visit in person. Visiting these special places will make you feel refreshed and have the highest level of happiness. Therefore, you should try to travel to a place you have never been to before once a year to find happiness for yourself.
Besides receiving the highest level of happiness that you can find from nature, another point that is a source of the highest happiness is that you must enter a certain field and do something that is valuable to you. For example, in the film industry, there are many actors who are professional actors. Acting is their livelihood. To put it simply, they act for money. But some Hollywood actors, such as Angelina Jolie, Tom Cruise, and Denzel Washington, are all actors who not only think about their personal interests, but through this field, they have had a lot of positive influence on their country and the world. When they do something that is beyond their personal interests and is for the common good, at that time, they will receive immeasurable happiness in their hearts.
I believe that if you can do this, you will feel happy as well. The main points in the book "The Elephant and the Rider" are summarized here. I would like to summarize the main points in this book again.
First, it talks about why we are not happy. The answer is that in our hearts, there are many parts that are not in harmony. Each part makes its own decisions without a single, ultimate decision-maker for our actions. The most influential part is the part we call the "elephant in the heart," which is generally inclined towards unpleasant things, such as disappointment, jealousy, sadness, and worry.
Second, how can we be happy? Happiness cannot be created by external things like money, possessions, or status. Because you will start to get used to these things when you have them in your hands. Long-term happiness can be found through good relationships with others and doing things you love, which can also give us long-term happiness and well-being.
Third, if you want the highest level of happiness, you must go to a unique natural place and contemplate its wonders. You will realize that compared to the vast nature and universe, we are not even a speck of dust on this earth. You will forget all your worries and be completely happy. Another way is to do something where you receive a common benefit that is greater than your personal benefit, such as any activity that shows patriotism or helps others in any disaster, where you will receive double the happiness.