Influence. The Psychology of Persuasion," a work by Robert Cialdini. This book teaches you about the psychology behind persuasion. Why do you say "yes" without realizing it? Why do others have so much influence over us?
To make quick decisions according to the situation, our brain doesn't go through a thorough thought process. And there are no clear principles. We often mistakenly think that our brain is smart and can make wise decisions, but in reality, our decisions are made based on many external factors, which causes us to make many foolish decisions. These factors, even though they may seem unrelated to the decision, have indeed exerted a subtle influence on our decisions that we cannot explain. This book, "Influence," which talks about the psychology of persuasion, will explain the secrets behind these matters.
We always remind ourselves that when spending money on things, we must be frugal. But in today's society, being frugal is truly a difficult thing. Sellers and business owners use every method to get you to take money out of your wallet to buy their products or services. There are promotions everywhere and so many attractive things. Some people spend hours queuing just to buy a cup of bubble tea, or sometimes, they intend to go to the market to buy two or three essential items but come back with many unnecessary knick-knacks.
When they get home, they think back and wonder, "Hey, why did I spend a whole afternoon buying these useless things?" Don't worry. This doesn't just happen to you alone. I have also experienced such things. Your friends and other people in this world have the same problem. Because behind these decisions is a perfectly set trap designed to unconsciously draw you all in, and it has become a common thing for everyone.
Speaking of this, it reminds us of a person, a Russian psychologist named Ivan Pavlov. He conducted an experiment. The experiment was not complicated: every time he gave food to a dog, he would always turn on a light. Over time, it became a habit. When he turned on the light, the dog would start to salivate on its own, even if he didn't give it any food. Because in the dog's brain, turning on the light was a signal that food was coming again and it was going to have a tasty meal. Those who have raised animals probably know about animal training. When should you encourage them? What gesture should you use to command them? It's like a machine that we can press a button on, and it will operate as we want.
You will probably object, saying, "This is for animals. We humans have higher intelligence than animals. We certainly won't be easily influenced by these things." You are wrong. In fact, the thinking system of our brain is not much different from that of lower-level animals. It's the same, it's just that this system in our bodies is a bit more complex.
If you ask why, we can answer that it's because the things that happen in our daily lives are numerous and complex. Our brain needs to make decisions almost every second. Therefore, when we encounter a situation that we have never experienced before, we will think for a long time and hesitate. It requires our brain to use energy to think a lot. After that, our brain creates a formula to solve and react to those events. In the case of encountering a similar problem later, they can use old experiences that have a ready-made formula to make the same decision, commanding the body to exhibit the same activity as before.
Therefore, the statement that people make decisions based on the experiences they have encountered is not wrong. This kind of decision-making saves us a lot of time and energy, but it also has its risks. Therefore, to change our mindset and our thinking, we need to understand some of the reasons behind these natural principles. Changing other people's perceptions, persuading other people will be easier than before when you finish listening to this book.
This book was written by Dr. Robert Cialdini, a professor of psychology and marketing at Arizona State University. The book "The Small Big," about small things, we have also summarized on VRead, which is also his work. As for the book "Influence," it is his first masterpiece, a psychological marketing book written for everyone. The content in this book is linked with real examples that happen around us every day.
They have analyzed many activities that occur in daily life, starting from a corner of psychological theory. Let's not waste any more time, let's get to the important content in this book. In this book, they have raised three important principles.
Principle one is Reciprocity. This principle states that when someone does something good for us or gives us something, we always think of giving something back to them as a way of reciprocating.
Principle two: Commitment and Consistency. This principle says that we always have a responsibility to ourselves from birth, always understanding that we should respect what we have promised.
And the third principle is Social Proof, which states that people like to act according to the majority opinion. The three principles that the author has raised above are consistent with the psychology of people of all eras, regardless of nationality or culture. When you understand these reasons, you will no longer have to wonder about the things that happen in our lives. But no matter what, a boat moves forward with the wind, but it can also be capsized by the wind. If we know these principles and apply them in a bad way, it can also hurt others, and if you know and are still stubborn, it can also become our weakness.
Next, we will talk more clearly about the three principles above that the author has raised, along with some examples to make it easy for everyone to understand. Let's look at the first principle, the Reciprocity Principle. It means giving to each other in return. Normally, we always understand that when someone does something good for us, we always feel indebted to them and want to reciprocate their kindness in different ways.
The desire to reciprocate what one has received is called reciprocity. This feeling of wanting to reciprocate doesn't just happen to people with good hearts. Everyone thinks this way because it has been embedded in human genes for tens of thousands of years. On your birthday, you receive a gift from a friend. When it's their birthday, you will surely think of buying a gift for them in return.
They do a good deed for us, we will surely think of reciprocating their kindness in some way. There is giving, there is receiving, there is reciprocating. It is an important emotional connection and also a part that can make society develop. If there is no reciprocal activity, a society has no economic flow and commerce has no development.
Because of this, they have taken this psychological principle and applied it in business. When someone you don't know at all gives you something, even if it's small, it really makes us feel indebted in some way. Therefore, the promotion of giving away small cosmetic kits for customers to try for free, or giving something to the customer, has really made them remember and support us always.
A fruit seller lets you try a piece of fruit. A gym allows you to work out for two or three days before buying a membership. They all use this psychological principle. When you have used a product or service, besides making you know the quality of their product and service, it makes you understand that since you've used their things, not buying feels uncomfortable. So you take out the money to buy it. Salespeople love to use this trick to persuade you to buy their products or services.
In daily life, this kind of thing happens very often. In fact, it's a good thing, but some people use this psychology to do certain things to achieve their own goals. I'll give an example. Speaking of bribery. Some officials don't want to engage in corruption, but some opportunistic people always use the method of giving this and that to make the other party feel indebted, and then take this opportunity to rely on them for a big favor. People who have received things from them will surely feel indebted to them, and if they don't do something to repay their kindness, they will not be at ease.
In this book, an example was raised. A charity in the United States used this technique to raise money from philanthropists. Volunteers of that charity would split up and walk along the road, each holding a bunch of flowers. When they met a traveler on the road, they would hand them a flower and say, "This flower is a souvenir for you. May you have good luck. You must accept it." Then those young volunteers would start introducing themselves and their charity's project, asking those travelers to donate one dollar each. At first, most people were not interested in the activity of donating money to the charity. They especially didn't need this flower. But speaking of psychology, the flower we received under duress has become a bond tying our hearts. It makes us feel indebted to them. This feeling of being indebted to them makes us feel not good. So, to be done with it, to not have this feeling, we take money out of our pockets and donate a few dollars.
According to data, doing this has indeed caused the donations to this charity to truly increase. Just giving a flower that you don't even need can make you take money out of your pocket. This psychological principle is truly very effective.
But sometimes, they don't even use a flower, and they can still get you to take money out of your pocket. For example, I am a good friend of yours and want to borrow $200 from you. If I immediately ask to borrow $200, you will probably have to think first whether to lend it or not. The answer is only yes or no.
But if I started by saying this instead: "Lend me $1000." Surely, you probably wouldn't agree to lend it because it's too much. At that time, I would add another sentence: "If you won't lend me $1000, can you lend me $200?" You would probably think that you don't have $1000, but $200 is not a lot. We are good friends who have known each other for a long time, so I'll lend it to you.
At that time, it changes from "to lend or not to lend" to "to lend $1000 or to lend $200." This psychology is used most often in shops or price negotiations. When you first enter a shop, the staff will always recommend the most expensive items for you all to see. We, as buyers, will surely refuse. It's no big deal. The seller wants you to refuse like this. Because after you refuse once, they recommend the item they really want to sell to you. This method puts a little pressure on us, but for the seller, it is a very effective closing technique.
So what can be done to counter this technique? You should consider it calmly. Don't let promotions or attractiveness lure you in at all. Just considering it calmly like this is a first-aid step you should take to prevent your mind from falling into their trap. But the decision whether to give or not, to buy or not, depends on the situation. What we need to be careful about is that we must not let good deeds or our shyness become our weakness.
The best method is to define your own limits. What is the lowest point that you can accept? An item that you have decided you shouldn't buy, you shouldn't buy it no matter what. Money that you have decided not to lend, you are determined not to lend it. In summary, this first principle means that when we receive a good deed from someone, we always want to reciprocate their kindness. Next, we move on to the second important content, which is Commitment and Consistency.
When people say or promise something, they always try their best to do it. When someone says one thing and doesn't do it, promises and then breaks the promise, is unclear, we always say that that person is two-faced, not trustworthy at all. We don't want to meet people like this, and we also don't want ourselves to become a person like this.
People take your word for it. We always want to do the things we have promised. Therefore, when we promise something or show some stance with someone, we always try to protect it, to do it. Most of the time, saying something and meaning it will definitely make you gain respect and trust. Our brain has this nature from birth. As long as we get involved in saying something, we must try our best to do it. This is why businessmen use this psychology and apply it in their business and sales to attract you to buy their products.
I will give an example in this book for all of you to listen to. In the United States, young children love to beg their parents to buy them Christmas gifts. It has become a tradition. Therefore, companies that produce children's toys like dolls, remote control cars, and so on, sell out as Christmas approaches.
But after Christmas ends, sales drop sharply because after buying Christmas gifts for their children, they will not buy again immediately. To change this situation, the factories that produce these children's toys have used a strategy. Before Christmas arrives, they spend a certain amount of money to advertise a product that is attractive and expensive, such as a large remote control car. When children see that advertisement, they will surely ask their parents to buy it for them.
On the other hand, Christmas is approaching, it only happens once a year, it's time to buy toys for the children to play with. At that time, it's hard for the parents to refuse, so they promise to buy that remote control car for them. But when they go to the store to look for the remote control car they saw in the advertisement, it turns out to be out of stock. Everywhere is out of stock. They don't know what to do.
So, to not disappoint the child, they buy another item for the child to play with instead. But when they get home, the child says, "But you said you'd buy me a remote control car. Now you bought me a small plastic car. I don't want it." The child will probably be angry and refuse to eat or drink. At that time, to soothe the child, the parents will probably promise again that they will buy that big remote control car for the child no matter what.
Later, you can probably guess. As soon as Christmas is over, the item is suddenly in stock. They can find and buy that remote control car. The child will be happy again. We think back a bit. For the seller, they sold up to two times. First, before Christmas, they looked for the item the child wanted but couldn't find it, so they bought a substitute item first. And after Christmas, they make the remote control car that the child wants available in stock again. Doing this can make their items sell out every season.
Here, the seller uses this very psychology, which is commitment and consistency. That is, to make the parents of the child promise the child. You still remember, right? When we did something wrong in school, the school principal would always call us into a room and have us write in a promise book, stating "I, [name], did [wrongdoing]. Next time, I will stop doing things like this."
Although it is not a document that can be used in court, the law does not recognize it, but having a person write or say it out of their own mouth like this has made them feel pressured and try to protect the promise they made themselves. When you understand this principle above, please use it in a good and correct way, not to take advantage, deceive, or use this weakness to prey on others. You can use it to manage yourself or promise yourself to create a good habit.
For example, if you want to quit smoking but don't have enough determination, you can announce to a few of your friends that you have stopped smoking, or you can post it on social media. Doing this can make our brain and mind tied to words with the outside society. It is a pressure, but it is a force that pushes us to act according to the words we have spoken.
Through experience, it has been found that when we spend more effort and time doing something, we value that thing more. For example, if you want to work in big companies, you have to go through many rounds of interviews, and it's also very tough. According to data, when the interview is more difficult, the employee works for the company with more dedication and values their work more.
It's no different when you spend a long time and it's difficult to finally win a woman over to be your girlfriend, you value her more. Conversely, if it came easily, you would also easily let her go. Some things, when we let them go according to their nature, they will go accordingly. But if we try not to give up, we will surely get the result we want. Because no one comes to tell us that it should end in this way. Everything comes from our thoughts, and thoughts can create actions that can create different results.
The above is the second important content in this book, which wants to show that people like to do what they have promised, whether with others or with themselves. Next, we come to the third important content, which is Social Proof.
This principle wants to say that people like to conform to the people around them, to do according to the actions of the majority. It means that before deciding to do something, we like to do as others do, like to observe the actions of others first, then decide whether something should be done or not. This principle is found very often in public places.
For example, beggars have secretly put a coin in their bowl to show that travelers on the road have given them money, and you should also give them money. In comedy shows, they like to put in a laugh track to make the audience laugh along. In some product advertisement posters, they have secretly written small letters at the bottom saying, "Everyone is buying." This word has made you feel like you want to buy too.
Single's Day, November 11th, or Black Friday, they call it the online shopping festival, which happens only once a year. Who created this day? It's the online shopping companies themselves. They want to create an atmosphere where everyone is shopping online. If you don't buy, you don't spend money, you are behind the times.
When does this social proof occur? It's when we feel uncertain in our hearts, or when we ourselves don't have enough confidence in choosing to do something. At that time, it makes us feel hesitant, we start to observe the reactions of the people around us first, and then decide whether something should be done or not. But there's one thing you might not have thought of, which is that other people also feel the same way as you. They are also waiting to see you. Waiting for each other back and forth. Everyone lacks confidence in themselves. This is why we rarely see people taking the initiative to do something first in public places, because they are waiting for each other, waiting to see who acts first.
For example, the murder case in New York City. A woman was stabbed to death by a killer in a public place. This incident dragged on for more than 30 minutes. Yet, no one was concerned, intervened to help, or even called the police. This incident received strong criticism regarding the ethics and humanity of the American people. It led to newspapers, magazines, and many international news outlets publishing about this incident everywhere.
But everyone was also confused. Why did it turn out like this? Similar cases in other places, you have probably encountered them too. Sometimes you see a person faint from a stroke and collapse on the street, and no one helps. Sometimes you see acts of violence happening in plain sight, yet still no one helps. We don't understand at all. Why do they see these injustices happening and yet no one has the heart to step in and help?
The problem is that there are too many people. Everyone is waiting for others to act first, which we always say is "waiting for each other." Everyone thinks that there are so many people here. If they really thought it wasn't normal, they would surely have intervened to help. If no one has taken any action, I shouldn't get involved either. Everyone thinks that there's nothing unusual about it, and it's not necessary to intervene.
This principle was later taken to be tested and confirmed many times. The result is indeed like this. In clear-cut cases that require help in public, such as fainting, collapsing, or acts of violence, the more people there are, the less likely they are to help. Conversely, if there is only one or two people nearby, when something like this happens, the percentage of intervention is higher.
Therefore, when a robbery happens on a public street in the city, it's not because people in the city have no heart, but because there are too many people, the situation is chaotic. It's difficult for people to decide what kind of action to take. Therefore, next time, in case you encounter a situation like this, the best method is to be specific. In case you are not feeling well and are about to faint from a stroke, you should call out a specific person who is nearby to help.
For example: "Brother in the white shirt, please help me. Help carry me up a bit." Or "Sister, please call the police for me." Doing this makes them aware of their responsibility. They are not waiting for each other anymore, nor do they need to look at the actions of others to make a decision.
Sometimes, just one sentence can change the whole situation. According to experimental data, doing this has indeed caused the percentage of help in public to truly increase. The author has emphasized that among all the principles he has raised in this book, the one he wants you to remember the most is this last principle, which is Social Proof. Because at a critical moment, it can probably save a person's life.
But psychology is like medicine, it's a double-edged sword. You can use it in a correct way to help more people, but don't make others suffer. The important content that I have summarized from the book "Influence" by Robert Cialdini, I would like to end here. We will do a brief recap.
The first principle is Reciprocity. This principle states that when someone does something good for us, we always want to repay their kindness, no matter in what form. Some sellers use it to take advantage of our good deeds. As for us, we should make decisions by using correct and clear thinking, not letting this weakness influence our decisions at all.
Part two, we talk about another principle, which is Commitment and Consistency. It means that people always maintain their words and promises. Whatever they say, they do. Sometimes it's just a word spoken casually, sometimes it's a promise to someone. No matter how heavy or light, as long as we have spoken, we always strive to do everything to maintain the words we have spoken. It is a pressure, but if we know how to use it in a good way, it can also make our lives change.
The last point, we talk about the principle of Social Proof. This principle wants to show that people like to follow the majority, like to do as others do. We always don't trust ourselves, we have to look at the actions of others first before making a decision, because we're afraid of being wrong. As a solution, to avoid waiting for each other, when help is needed, you should call out a specific name, then they will come out to help you.
Finally, the principles above are just a general overview that they have studied. The actual decision is up to you and the conditions that surround you. Psychology is like medicine, it's a double-edged sword. If you know it, you should use it in a correct way, to help more people. Don't make others suffer.